Figuring Friendship Out...Starting with God

Friendships are like bread-honestly. They're the best thing!

My only issue with them is that some of them fall apart. Yuck.

I hate falling apart with people I once called family.

But it happens. Seasons end, tides shift and life happens!

I've lost several friendships since adulthood and I am in the process of losing a few more.

Through all my friendship transitions, I have learnt the importance of cherishing the loving moments while they last, giving love many chances, and asking God to help me choose my friends.

We cannot know how things will turn out with people. You may start well with someone, grow in friendship and things go left along the way. Your best bud may move countries, transition into a different part of their life and get busy with whatever else and your friendship may end tragically, silently or amicably. Sometimes, you hit it off with someone and it goes nowhere but up! We don't have all the answers and we are not omniscient, but involving God in every part of our lives not only grants us discernment and wisdom before and during life events but also gives us grace to handle things when they do not go as planned.

Before Saying "Yes"

Luke 6:12-17 New Living Translation (NLT):

"One day soon afterward Jesus went up on a mountain to pray, and he prayed to God all night. At daybreak, he called together all of his disciples and chose twelve of them to be apostles."

Christ knew that He had come to earth for a specific purpose: to die for us and to begin making disciples for His generation, and for these disciples to make more. In His wisdom, He understood how important His friendship with the 12 was in light of eternity. He did not rely on His understanding.

I imagine Him alone with His Father, running each name through God. Maybe Christ sought God concerning each of the disciples' names. Maybe Jesus asked, "What do you think of Peter? Do you think Luke will bear the burden of Your will?" I don't know. Whatever Christ shared with His Father must have been important and needed a whole night to confirm and secure spiritually.

Praying for Friendships

We pray so much for spouses, bosses, and spiritual coverings, but friendships are where we sometimes draw the line, often to our peril🥲

I have been here before, so do not feel exposed!

Friendships are key to our growth and wellbeing

I now understand deeply that when we call people friends, we give them a front seat. They see the real us. We share our most intimate moments with them. Your friends will ideally be there for your highest high and your lowest low. They will help you nurse your newborn baby, overcome heartbreak from the death of a loved one or the loss of a love interest, they will carry you through financial stresses and so on. Friends will advise on the most private affairs of your heart and may influence your decisions on key life events. So, friendship is not something you give to anyone who comes into your life just because they seem nice. It is a deeply personal and intimate position and if done right, contributes to overall wellbeing, success and feelings of fulfilment in life. Not everyone is your friend, beloved. This is not selfishness, it's kindness. You do not have infinite emotional bandwidth to allocate to everyone. Only Christ does, and He offers His love to all of us daily. Due to our finite and limited nature, we can only bond intensely and genuinely with a select group of people. You simply can not be everyone's person.

My 20-something years of life have taught me that the title "friend" is a position of authority that I allow people to have in my life and it requires fervency in the place of prayer (perhaps compared to choosing a pair of shoes for my wedding, for instance). I believe you and I live on borrowed time, and an account of our lives will be required. We cannot afford to hand over this precious resource to relationships not aligned with God's will for us 🙂.

Due to our finite and limited nature, we can only bond intensely and genuinely with a select group of people. You simply can not be everyone's person.

God-ordained friendships exist (like Jonathan and David's in the Bible) and are a blessing! God-ordained friendships build you in your identity in Christ, they sharpen you in your purpose, help you walk the narrow path of consecration in Christ and they will keep you accountable.

God-ordained friendships are worth the wait, beloved.

Will you trust God with your friendships?

Prayer

Father, I am thankful you care for my life and my friendships. I pray that you may shed light on my path and lead me to God-ordained friendships. I pray for your help. I pray that you may help me choose friends who please you and who will help me know you more. I pray for friends who want the best for me, just like I want the best for them. Please protect my current friends, watch over them, and grow them in the knowledge of Christ.

In Jesus' name, I pray, amen.

With love,

W. ❤️